Mixed feelings

Haven't written in a while. I wish what I was thinking could be printed. I haven't had any energy to move.
When I had my infusion in Dec and saw Dr. Anderson, I was soooo swollen up and not happy. He decided to decrease my Prednisone so I would be off it by Jan infusion. Ok with me.......except, all my old symptoms came back full force. SOB was the worst. By the few day before Jan 10th infusion I felt like SHIT! I had my infusion on Jan 10th and saw the doctor. Told him I felt like SHIT! I have chills a lot but low grade fever only once or twice. Plus sky high (136 yikes) He decided to up my med I take for my pulse (Metoprolol) and put me back on 10mg of Prednisone. (was on 30mg), next Cytotoxan infusion (Feb 14th) will increase dose, and probably will have to have more than the 6 infusions that were schedule. Oh Well, if it eventually makes me better......
Also my eyes have been kinda foggy.(watched Downton Abbey with right eye closed) First I thought it was from cheeks being so big, not so. I just have to rest them a lot.
To be gross, since Sunday till yesterday afternoon, I have had diarrhea. Not normal diarrhea. Like when you eat and it hurts your stomach and then comes out as soon as you can say SHIT! So the last few days I have had NO energy. No fever but body chills. No coffee since Friday, didn't get out of nightgown. I did make myself get out of bed to sit my ars on the couch to watch tv. I even took a shower Wed evening and Maribeth helped me change sheet on my bed. I will call dr. tomorrow for update that he wanted. I will also tell him my liquid stool with flecks of something was bright yellow and smelled like metal. (Aren't you glad you read that) My body still smells like metal at times, that no one else says they can smell and my hair hasn't grown since my hair cut in Dec. With increase of Cytoxan in Feb, I wonder if it will fall out?
Today is Thursday. I had coffee and cereal and everything is going ok. Hungry but watching what I eat.
Description of S.O.B. -between shoulder blades get really tight. I mean really. Then I have heaviness in lower back. Once I sit down, it almost goes away.


I titled this post "mixed feelings" because I want to feel better, I know I will feel better, but last week was not fun at all!!!


Thank GOD for facetime. I can see Xavier. Need to Skype with Kendall and Landon more. FYI- Xavier had his cast and pins removed from his right thumb. He's back to almost normal. Goes for therapy to work on moving his thumb.


Hugs to everyone.


I tried to add pictures but they wouldn't download. Maybe they feel like me.